Live at Jammin' Java

by Vanessa Peters

fan club exclusive
1.
find and replace the words that do not work with the ones that will it’s no small task, the wrong words lurk in corners and they do not get their fill of being used as weapons, of being used to hurt someone you used to love sometimes the pain just tumbles out and we don't always say the things we should but I know you to be good I know you to be fair and I hope you’ll be a good judge of me now that I’m no longer there and the trouble was you never had that many words for me I was left to guess how you felt and if you wanted me to leave and not wanting me to leave is not the same thing as wanting me to stay so I had the great debate between me and me and then I walked away but I know you to be good I know you to be fair and I hope you’ll be a good judge of me now that I’m no longer there and to the victor goes the spoils, but what if there’s no clear winner? and what if spoils are just things that are spoilt? in grammar as in life, the line becomes thinner but I know you to be good I know you to be fair and I hope you’ll be a good judge of me now that I’m no longer there
2.
let’s do this pull off the screwed on top and watch the bubbles burst watch the liquid fizz and feel your heart immersed in all the crazy hiss of a thousand tiny words whispered in your ear by a thousand tiny birds who were flying oh so near but they came a little closer they lift up their tiny wings their humminghearts were whirring, you couldn't hear a thing let's do this, we can fix it, we’ve only got to twist it, bend it make it fit into the box we've made for it, we've got this and we gotta try, there's nothing left but do or die, we've got to pull this off, we’ve got to pull this off and don't even try to stop me cause I won't stand for it and I won't be slain, I am not a heart to be won, I'm not the sleeve you’re gonna wear it on, I’m not hiding out in dark caves on the outskirts of the city while it burns. I am not a script you're gonna study, I'm not a lesson to be learned. but they came a little closer, they were flying oh so near and you could hear a pin drop, and everything was clear let's do this, we can fix it, we’ve only got to twist it, bend it make it fit into the box we've made for it, we've got this and we gotta try, there's nothing left but do or die, we've got to pull this off, we’ve got to pull this off but oh what fun it was when days were long and full of sun when knees were scraped and friends were made and then friendships came undone…
3.
the billboard says love never fails so I guess that it’s just people that do and there are people failing left and right every night on the 10 o’clock news and every night there’s a story that I just can’t comprehend so I'll turn out all the lights now it’s darker than it’s ever been and the downtown traffic, the corner stores the streets all slick with gritty rain I could swear I’ve been here before cause every city looks the same now that everything’s changed late night diner down on ross sitting in a corner booth I’d like to chat up the waitress but she’s got too much to lose they’re understaffed, she’s overworked but her boss says it means more tips her brow is creased in concentration and I watch her chew a hole in her bottom lip and the downtown traffic, the corner stores the streets are slick with gritty rain I could swear I’ve been here before cause every city looks the same now that everything’s changed and I remember when you told me it was me that you called home and I remember when I told you I wanted to be alone and I couldn’t see how to stay I couldn’t see how to go so I made no decision and I killed it in doing so and the downtown traffic, the corner stores the streets all slick with gritty rain I could swear I’ve been here before cause every city looks the same but everything’s changed
4.
mending fences while throwing wrenches into well-oiled machines driving horses down well-traveled courses never gets you what need and I don't know when everything became impossible don't know when everything became an obstacle maybe I just ran out of steam maybe I just woke up from a long long dream and how can anyone not look about them and not feel the world come crashing down the strange sensation of shaking foundations is driving us underground and I don't know when everything became impossible don't know when everything became an obstacle maybe I just ran out of steam or maybe I just woke up from a long long dream we've come untethered we've come undone but still we march to battle flags held high we’re always fighting wars that can't be won but we've stopped asking why and I don't know when everything became impossible don't know when everything became an obstacle maybe I just ran out of steam maybe I just woke up from a long long dream or maybe I am trapped inside a long long dream
5.
Fight (live) 04:25
I feared failure for a long long time, I suppose that I still do. I just ran out of armor, I got tired of being poked and examined and submitted for approval but always found wanting And I'm tired of always selling myself, of putting my best foot forward all of the time. That rabbit I've been chasing is still farther away, my shoes have come loose and I am tired. but I never seem to remember why I'm cut down by all their words I don't know how to keep my defenses up I should be braver and I know that it's absurd and lately I've just been in the corner licking my wounds every night. Get out there and fight girl, don't be afraid to bleed crawl back towards the light don't be afraid to show your need smile less and show more bared teeth get out there and fight, girl bring them to their knees I've always had a hard time making leaps even as a kid I'd spend hours with my toes curled around the edge, terrified of being pushed, and screwing up all my courage And only when the others had grown bored and tired of waiting the fear of being left alone would push me towards the water, screaming all the way down... Though it was never that bad in the end. but I never seem to remember that part of the lesson never quite sunk in I don't know what I'm so afraid of now, I don't know what I was so afraid of then. but lately I've just been in the corner licking my wounds every night. Get out there and fight girl, don't be afraid to bleed crawl back towards the light don't be afraid to show your need smile less and show more bared teeth get out there and fight, girl bring them to their knees get out there and fight, girl bring them to their knees.
6.
you can ask the pilot if he can pull the plane out of a dive and he will tell you every time we are lucky just to fly and we should be grateful to be like the birds even they fall from the sky sometimes we should be grateful to be like the birds spread your wings and cast your fears aside and you can ask the surgeon if he can pry your heart out of your mind and he will tell you with dry eyes there’s a reason they’re entwined and you should be grateful to feel so much most people just bury it inside you should be grateful to be on this course where reason and empathy collide and you can ask the preacher if he can pull the man out of his slide and he will tell you with bright eyes man's a victim of his pride we should be grateful to just be alive dig your heels in, get through the day we should be grateful to just be alive your armor’s heavy, but try to be brave

about

Recorded live at Jammin' Java in Vienna, VA on June 8, 2017.

credits

released June 25, 2017

Live recording mixed by Rip Rowan.
Cover photo by Jim Williams.
Additional photos by Jim Williams and Rip Rowan.

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Vanessa Peters Austin, Texas

Indie singer/songwriter from Texas. Musician, Italophile, Virgo, coffee nerd, food lover, bossy-pants, big ol' softie.
I've released 10+ albums and played over 1000 shows in 11 countries. I'm not done yet.

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